There had been something coming up in my life that normally would have caused me great anxiety. I would have had bad days or at least bad moments numerous times while halfway dreading the moment and simultaneously wondering if I was where God wanted me to be. 

But instead I found myself with a quietness I could not explain. A settled feeling in my heart. On the occasion when anxiety would have normally reared its ugly head, there was a slight feeling of it, only to not too long later be replaced with that quietness again. It was as if my spirit was submitted to the One who did all things well and something deep within me knew He would take care of it all.

That morning as I read the lesson for Sunday school a verse popped out at me and I needed a moment to pause and speak to God. “For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day” (2 Timothy 1:12).

Was this then the source of my quietness? I remembered back to about six months before when I had committed this exact thing into his capable hands. There were times in the past I had tried to do that but the time always came when I clasped my tightly held fist around it yet again. But this time had been different. I had felt a release inside me that had been something akin to “Thy will be done.” 

And reading this verse, I realized fully why. I knew then and also knew now, that I might suffer many things. That things might not always go the way I wanted them to. Yet underneath that all, is this underlying strength. I know Who I believe in and I am persuaded to believe that He truly is able to keep this which I have committed to Him. I not only believe, but I am not ashamed of this belief in Him. What looks like vulnerability to one, looks like God to me.

I am astounded at the beauty in all of this. It reminds me of the verse in 1 John 4:18 that says “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

God is Perfect Love. He is the One who holds everything in his capable hands even when I try so hard to keep it clasped in my own. It is still He who holds it all. When I can commit my ways unto Him and commit my life unto my Father who loves me with unadulterated love, I have no reason to fear. No reason for the anxiety that has a reason to be there.

That anxiety has good reasoning behind it. I do not know what the day will hold, how the week will go, or what life might look to me next month. I don’t know any of this and, at times, it makes me want to keep a tenacious hold on things in hopes that I can control some part of it. But I don’t think I had ever felt true surrender before now. Although I had always surrendered to some extent, this depth of surrender opens up a whole new world.

And today, I am basking in the love God replaced the anxiety with. I am living the joy of that surrender. I am living the peace of knowing it is all in his hands. I am living the quietness I wish I would have felt a long time ago. I know whom I have believed. I really, really do. God’s got this. And He’s got me. And after experiencing this kind of feeling, I never want anything else.